What We Carry: Messages From Canada

The Canadian Flag
Banff National Park, Alberta, CA

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is trying to tell you something? Maybe it’s the voice of the universe; maybe God is trying to get your attention, or maybe it’s just a shout from the wee small voice inside yourself trying to wake you up. The message is right there in front of you, staring you in the face, but you totally miss it. You don’t see it, understand it, or recognize its significance until finally, like a smack to the forehead…you suddenly get it, and it seems so obvious you wonder how you didn’t see it in the first place.

Let me tell you about the recent tap on the noggin I received from Canada.


Crossing Into Canada
Port Huron to Sarnia…Michigan to Ontario
photographer unknown

Crossing the Bluewater Bridge from Michigan into Ontario, I chose the shortest lane for customs and immigration, eased my car into the line, and waited for my turn.  Moments later, I politely handed my passport to the official and answered all the necessary questions.

“Have a safe trip,” he said with a smile, as he returned my document.

“Thank you, “ I replied. With a lump in my throat, but without much thought or hesitation, I added, “And…I’m sorry about Donald Trump.”

“Oh,” he responded in a sympathetic tone.  “We know who’s to blame. We know it’s not you. That is not your burden to bear. Put it down. Don’t carry that.  It’s not yours.”

As I pulled away from the booth, unbidden tears began to stream down my cheeks. I was touched by the kindness of this stranger who could obviously feel my pain.  In our brief interaction, in very few words, he had done what he could to lift the guilt I was carrying from my shoulders, giving me the peace and courage to carry on.  

I believe that everyone we meet is bearing something. We just don’t know what the person beside us is carrying. Sometimes what we are schlepping around fits easily into a tiny, nylon, nano bag; at other times, we could stuff an 80-pound backpack. Sometimes, we are dragging so much through life that we need a full-blown steamer trunk. The problems, worries, and burdens are uniquely our own, often weighing us down, at times making it difficult to go forward…or…even move at all.


Some months later, on a trip to the Canadian Rockies, I arrived in Calgary a day and a half before the rest of the tour group. I had plenty of time to wander the city exploring on my own. I found myself in the new library… a truly amazing space, by the way…where I came upon an interactive art display. It was a large white bird nearly as big as me, with outstretched wings sculpted from bent wire. Next to the framework was a table with pencils and slips of paper bearing the outline of a feather. The instructions read: These feathers are for the public to leave affirmations or positive thoughts and encouragement for the community.

“Eagle Sculpture 2026″…Darren Weaslechild…Indigenous Artist in Residence

I approached the sculpture intending to read what people had left for others to discover. As I got closer, a single paper feather fell from the bird and landed at my feet. As I collected the slip from the floor, I was astonished by what I read. How did someone I’ll never meet know just what I needed to read, and of all the paper feathers, why did this particular one fall at the very moment I approached? Serendipity…the universe..a message from above? Written boldly in pencil, a combination of print and cursive were these words: Ask yourself if what weighs you down is your to carry. OX.

A Personal Message from The Universe
Calgary Library… Calgary, Alberta, CA

Was I being weighed down by things that weren’t really mine to carry? Did I really have to concern myself with everything? All the time? I’ve been struggling like so many these days; I am feeling the oppression of the world in addition to the personal struggles of self and family. That simple paper feather prompted me to pay attention and take a hard look. Was it really necessary for me to carry such burdens? If indeed it turned out that they were mine, was I required to shoulder them constantly? Do you suppose someone could help me lift some of the heaviest ones? To give myself time to rest and regroup, could I simply put them down and walk away for a while?


The next morning, I took an Uber across town to the UU church. It was one of those Sundays when I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. The pulpit was filled by a First Nations Elder. Her words and singing touched my heart. So when it was time to light candles or place stones in the bowl for joys and concerns, I comfortably joined the others and offered my prayers alongside theirs. To conclude this part of the service, rather than “Spirit of Life,” which is usually the go-to song with UUs, the words of a song that I didn’t yet know were projected on the wall.

Loosen, Loosen, Baby.  
You don't have to carry the weight of the world in your muscles and bones.
Let go. Let go. Let go.
Holy breath and Holy name
Will you help me ease this pain?

It certainly seemed that I was being sent a message from somebody.


I was so tired when I arrived in Vermont after my adventures in Canada; it was midnight. Two days before the end of the trip, my wallet had been stolen or, more probably, lost. I no longer had a credit card and was concerned about how I’d be able to free my car from the parking garage. I spent several minutes sorting out how to pay for parking with cash. Pretty easy as it turned out, but when I went to the luggage carousel, all the bags had arrived…alas…mine was not there. There was a suitcase similar to mine…but…it wasn’t mine.

It was then that I noticed an older woman sitting with what looked a lot like my bag.

“Excuse me, “ I said. “I think you might have my bag.”

“Oh, no,” she replied confidently. “My husband just brought this to me. It’s my bag.”

“Would you mind if we unzipped one of the pockets to check?”

“Sure. That’s fine,” she responded as she began to open the pocket.

“See,” she said. “There are my shoes.”

With only the soles of the shoes visible, I was fairly certain that those worn out tennies were mine.

“Em, I think those are my shoes. Let’s open another pocket.”

We slid the zipper over, revealing my medicine case and my socks.  “See, this is my bag. I think yours is over there on the carousel.”

“Well,” she said, “That one looks…kinda beat up.”

“I’m sorry, but that one’s yours.”

Be Sure It’s Yours
You Can Always Just Let it Circle the Carousel
Photo by Dimitri Karastelev on Unsplash

So…ask yourself whether what weighs you down really is yours to carry, or if you can just leave it circling the carousel as you exit the terminal. On the other hand…sometimes…whether we like it or not…we have to face the fact that, beat-up or not, that baggage is ours.

Originally part of an evening chapel service on Star Island.

Down The Rabbit Hole

“The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well.”

Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Right This Way to Adventure

One snowy Saturday in mid-March, I found myself quite unexpectedly falling headfirst into the gaping entrance of a rabbit hole, tumbling down toward completely unknown territory. Try as I might, it was impossible to stop or even slow my descent as I continued to gain momentum through the dark twisting tunnel. Like Alice, I had been caught off guard.  It happened so quickly that I had no other choice but to continue my free-fall and hope for a gentle landing when I reached the bottom. Once I entered that rabbit hole there was no way of knowing how deep the tunnel was or whether I’d know if I had reached the bottom or was merely resting on an outcropping before once again resuming my fall.

During these COVID-times, we’re all traveling through one rabbit hole or another.  Life, as we knew it a year ago, is not the life we are living now.  I suppose that’s always the case though.  For thousands of years, we’ve known what the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus pointed out,  “The only constant in life is change.”  We expect change, but we have also been led to believe…mistakenly perhaps…that change comes in some logical or linear progression.  We may not welcome the changes, but at least they can be understood or explained. Cause and effect…that sort of thing.

The surreal world where up isn’t just down but sideways might make for interesting art and theatre, but no one wants to actually live there.  Lots of folks stand in line at Cedar Point to buy a ticket to ride the Corkscrew, but they eventually want the ride to end so they can move on to the snack stand. Falling through the tunnel of the rabbit hole is an adventure to be sure but unless, perhaps, you’re a rabbit you ultimately want to leave it and live amongst humans once again.

Alice didn’t want to fall into the rabbit hole either, but while she was there she explored the wonders of the world in which she found herself and tried to make some meaning of it all.  I’ve been trying to do that too. Recognizing that COVID is not my life on hold, but rather my life as it is, helps a bit as I try to navigate this world of butterflies, hookahs, and cats that wander through Zoom calls.

“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake.”

Sir Francis Bacon

The strangest thing about my life in the rabbit hole is the total distortion of my concept of time.  When I was a girl, the JC Penney catalog arrived every year with a special holiday wish-book edition. I was always intrigued by the section of frilly nightgowns and fancy underwear.  I was especially fascinated by the day-of-the-week panties.  Each pair was a different pastel color complete with a different day embroidered within a lacey heart.  I always kinda wanted them instead of the utilitarian white ones worn in my family, but not enough to bump something more desirable off my Christmas list. I could certainly use a set of those panties now.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know what day it was in the morning?  As it is,  I’m marking the days with my pill container.  Each evening when I take my bedtime pills and supplements, I say to myself, “Oh, today was Tuesday…or Wednesday, or Thursday…whatever. Hmmm.  Nice to know. “  

Time Keeps on Slippin’, Slippin’, Slippin’ Into the Future.

I don’t think I’m alone in this confusion.  One of the local television stations has a brief moment each day where they display a graphic asking, “Do you know what day it is?”  There is a pause of a few seconds and then another graphic reveals the day.  Not the date mind you, just the appropriate day of the week.  The entire process concludes with a final graphic declaring congratulations for all those who guessed it correctly.  I don’t tune in every day and I’m really not much of a game player but there is a great deal of satisfaction when I’m among the winners.

This time distortion phenomenon might be unique to senior citizens or those who have been self-isolating for months on end. Without the clear delineation of work or school, the days blend together into a vanilla pudding kind of sameness.  In the summer when we could safely gather outside there were markers that made one day different from another, but once those of us in the colder climes moved indoors those markers became fewer and farther between. We were no longer sitting together at the picnic table with friends and family under the big tree in the backyard or gathering around the fire pit for conversation at the edge of the river. For safety’s sake, our winter-time human connections are nearly all virtual.

`Curiouser and curiouser!’ cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English)

Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Seemingly overnight the rabbit hole experience transformed all the meaningful events of our lives into virtual events. In an instant, we accepted that interactions with our grandchildren would be done over FaceTime, that we’d reach out to friends for support on social media, and that gatherings of all kinds would be done over Zoom. I attend Sunday morning church services…often in three different states on the same morning…via YouTube and Zoom. Moving important lifetime affairs to virtual platforms was met with varying degrees of success. Our weekly family gatherings and reunions, for example often evolved into seances.

Can you hear me?

Are you there?

I can’t see you, but I hear your voice.

Oh, we’re lost her again!

Maybe she’ll be back.

I have come to realize that virtual life is real life. We are not together physically, but the time we spend together is real. The sand in the hourglass of my life has not ceased to flow. I am just experiencing life in an unfamiliar and unconventional way. It truly is getting curiouser and curiouser.

“Don’t slide down the rabbit hole. The way down is a breeze, but climbing back’s a battle.”

Kate Morrison, The Clock Maker’s Daughter

Perhaps I have reached the end of the downward slide. I feel that like Alice, I am emerging into Wonderland. Not the world that Alice found full of unique people and places…although that’s surely possible…but a place where I am pondering, questioning, predicting, planning, and…yes…wondering about not just how I’ll extricate myself from this time warp, but what I’ll find on the other side. What happens when I climb out of this tunnel?

It’s very easy to cocoon myself in front of the fire, watch the world from my window, and simply wait for the time I can fling open my door and once more hug my neighbors, but I must find a way to create meaning, purpose, and make this disorienting tumble through the mud worth it. Perhaps that is the challenge of now. What an unusual, unique, and disorienting journey…this ride…this time…has been. Rabbit hole or not, it is the time I have been given…might as well enjoy the slide.

Lately it occurres to me What a long, strange trip it’s been.

The Grateful Dead, Truckin’