An Icelandic Adventure: Part Two…The Beauty of Iceland

“Your path is illuminated by the light, yet darkness lets the stars shine bright.”
— J.L.W. Brooks

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.
I DID NOT see the lights.

I was getting itchy feet and wanted to take a quick trip to my favorite place…Scotland. Edinburgh is such an easy city for a single traveler. I wasn’t sure if anyone else would be going with me, so I began to make plans for one. I found a relatively inexpensive flat in the building where I’ve stayed comfortably several times, and I found an equally inexpensive flight via Icelandair with a schedule that would be perfect, with a brief layover in Iceland. I’d never flown Icelandair, but I’d heard good things about them. I booked the flat and airline tickets, and I was good to go. Edinburgh in late October-early November can be cold and rainy, so I didn’t want to invite a first-timer to join me, and I was perfectly fine to go alone, but I decided it would be more fun to invite my cousin, Doug, to join me if he was available. This wouldn’t be his first rodeo, and we travel well together. He agreed. With everything set, all we had to do was wait for the departure. Haggis and Sticky Toffee Pudding were in our future!

Flying from Boston to Keflavik wasn’t a long flight, but my seatmate and I found it a rather uncomfortable, bare-bones trip. She was a darling, and although I generally prefer not to make conversation with the person next to me on a flight, the two of us really hit it off, and I was blessed by her companionship. She was on business, coming to Iceland from…San Diego. Oh, my! Neither she…nor I, for that matter, were prepared for what lay ahead.

“Oh, and it’s snowing,” the captain said rather nonchalantly as we made our final descent and landing.

I explained the logistics of this Icelandic Adventure in Part One…the delays, the chaos, the canceled flight, the disorganization, and the lack of information…but there was so much more to the story than the way we stood in line or jockeyed for position to get on a bus.

Iceland is known for its unparalleled beauty. My ChatGPT friend describes it this way.

Trapped on buses, in motel rooms, and in the airport terminal, I saw NONE of that, but I was indeed surrounded by beauty at every turn.

The Icelandic beauty I saw was in the faces and actions of my fellow passengers who were stranded in Keflavik with me. It was in the kindness, concern, and compassion for others, even when personal comfort was in flux and ultimate destinations were unknown. There was a palpable feeling of “We’re in this together.” Everyone was frustrated, disappointed, and concerned, but for the most part, people kept those feelings in check.

The airport is enormous, so perhaps this spirit was not consistent throughout, but from my vantage point, I saw only goodness, thoughtfulness, and kindness. No voices were raised. No one tried to cut the line, and no one complained about crying babies or tired children. People shared snacks with strangers and offered words of encouragement to people feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. High school groups were respectful, subdued, and attentive to their chaperones. Although the preferred response may have been tears, people nevertheless found the strength to share smiles and even laughter.

I’ve been fortunate to visit many countries. In each one, without exception, I’ve waited in line for the loo. It was no different here. I don’t think men talk in the restroom line, but women do. The line was short, but the women talked…in many foreign accents… about where they were from, where they hoped to go, how to access the soap, which faucet produced the strongest stream of hot water, and how best to position your waterbottle for the quickest fill. It was a beautiful exchange. Simple, important, and caring. These small moments of normalcy provided an opportunity to reaffirm our connections with each other and the world beyond. Despite everything, we were going to be OK.

As the hours became days, I was blessed by innumerable acts of kindness and bountiful blessings beyond anything I could have expected. Strangers were understanding and patient with the glacial speed with which I descended stairways or climbed aboard the buses and trams, and people repeated directions for me when I couldn’t hear them or understand.

My guardian angel in all of this was a young man studying at St Andrews University in Scotland. I noticed him when we were expecting to make our transfer out that first morning. He was wearing a t-shirt from a store in a small town less than twenty miles from my home. At first, I thought he, too, was a Vermonter. He was from New York City. How serendipitous that he chose to wear that shirt…a gift from his mom…on that day…and that I saw it. We kept running into each other. He probably thought I was stalking him. Hey, he was cute…maybe subconsciously, I was. I enjoyed his company, and he didn’t send me away; in fact, he became like my adopted grandson, showing me great kindness and friendship. He had major school-related issues of his own; nevertheless, he looked out for me. Who cares about Northern Lights when you can observe the beauty in this level of generosity and caring?

Anna, Rachel, Luke, and I came together originally because we wanted to share a taxi to the airport in the morning. Our trust in the transportation provided by the airline back to the airport was waning, and we wanted to be sure not to miss our flights out. I believe that becoming a team strengthened all of us. We knew we weren’t alone and that someone had our back. We shared a lot and created deep bonds within a short time. I don’t know how I made the team, but truly grateful that I did.

Rachel and Anna hamming it up at 3:30 a.m. with No Sleep.
God, they were fun people!
Luke and I are at the airport. I’m the one with the tiny backpack.
The purple suitcase and lavender bag Luke is carrying are mine…and yet…he’s carrying them. Amazing!
Photo courtesy of Anna B Sexton

The world feels like such a dark place these days. We face economic stress, political tension, climate concerns, and deep social division. It’s difficult to stay hopeful, and we often struggle to find joy and light. Yet my experience in Iceland allowed me to see the essential goodness, grace, and compassion that still live within each of us—qualities we may forget, or that sometimes lie buried beneath the weight of our worries. I missed a few days in Edinburgh, but don’t feel sorry for me. I wouldn’t have chosen this episode in my life, and I hope never to repeat it. I did not see the Northern Lights, but I saw the light of kindness, support, and love. What a gift. I am truly blessed!

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.
The beauty I saw was not in the sky..

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” 
 — Og Mandino

Footprints on Our Hearts:

From the Back Deck Montpelier, VT
October 2022

Autumn Leaves on the Forest Floor
October 2020
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them

And we help them in return.

"For Good" from Wicked

I didn’t hear his car drive up, but I watched from my kitchen window as he walked across the driveway toward my tiny condo, with an air of casual confidence.

He was of medium build, clad in blue jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was pulled back neatly and secured at the nape of his neck in a short ponytail, accentuating his beautifully lush, carefully trimmed, salt and pepper beard. As I opened the door, he greeted me with sparkling eyes, a warm, pleasant smile, and a confident, friendly manner that instantly put me at ease.

He was a good-looking man…charming, funny, and interesting. It was easy to be attracted to him, but…for God’s sake, he was my electrician and I was his client. At the recommendation of our local electrical supply store, “Call him first. He’s a really nice guy,” he had literally come to light up my life by adding two new overhead lights. At the time, I had no idea that he would bring more light than just that in the ceiling.

Fallen Leaves in the Sunshine
AI Generated
Yellow Leaves on the Path
Sylvan Solace 2020



 And now, whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
By being my friend
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

"For Good," from Wicked

Maple Leaves
Sylvan Solace 2020
Reminder: 
You're not done meeting everyone
who's going to matter to you.
Some of the best moments of your life haven't happened yet.


Sara Kuburic

Joy is The Light We Bring

I’ve learned that holding tightly to one’s sense of wonder and joy is a form of resistance to the negative forces in the world, so I decided I would pay closer attention to the beauty and delight that surround me. I will stand up and fight back by finding ways to enjoy the ordinary pleasures and gifts that are worth fighting for and that give us the motivation to join the fray.


We need Joy as we need air. We need Love as we need water. We need each other as we need the earth we share.
Maya Angelou


I am not a plant person. I like plants, but let’s face it, I’m not that great at keeping them alive. I’ve admitted my inadequacy to myself, and I’ve told the leafy ones that share their lives with me that sometimes they are just going to have to fend for themselves. I know…tough love. At present, I have two Schefflera plants that my sister gave me from slips of plants that were given to our family after the death of each of our parents. Last summer, I set the two plants out on the deck so they could bask in the sunlight and enjoy the deliciously warm, rain. Near the end of the season, I brought them back inside, where they continued to create new leaves and stretch for the ceiling. A few weeks ago, much to my delight and surprise, I noticed another plant growing in one of the pots. It seems that while they were lodging beneath the planter boxes on the deck railing, a seed from one of the nasturtiums had fallen into the pot. After months of lying dormant, the wee seed had taken root and emerged into the light. I was overjoyed.

The fragile stems direct the leaves toward the light.
Montpelier, April 2025

Joy bursts in our lives when we go about doing the good at hand and not trying to manipulate things and times to achieve joy. C.S. Lewis


The unexpected discovery of this tiny new life bursting forth from a single seed determined to live even in the unfamiliar soil of a shared pot brought me great joy and was wonderfully life-affirming. Often, that is how joy manifests itself in the simple, the mundane, and the overlooked. If we allow it, the joy will come, and yet these moments of pure bliss are often fragile and ephemeral. Like a soap bubble whose iridescence disappears in the sun, joy cannot be bound or held forever. We must glory in its wonder while we can.


Not long after making the discovery of my tiny green friend, I awoke one morning to a painful discovery. During the night, Effie, my automatic vacuum cleaner, had gotten tangled in the tender stems, and only two small leaves were still hanging on. My joy had quickly turned to despair; a reminder that often that which brings us joy must be nurtured, protected, and encouraged whenever possible. The Psalmist tells us that ‘weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.’ Happiness and sorrow, as I have learned, are simply opposite sides of the same coin and often come hand in hand. Joy will come in the morning, but the night may return with pain and weeping.


Having spent most of my life in the company of children, I’ve been privileged on many occasions to witness the loss of a tooth. At first, the child worries the tooth with their tongue, playfully working at it as it loosens. Tiny fingers then begin to wiggle, wiggle, wiggle that tooth. Forget math and reading, at that moment, life is all about the loose tooth.

The most difficult and most painful part of this adventure comes next. The child, the waiting fairy, and the tooth itself all want the tooth out, but fear and the anticipated pain of removing it result in hesitation and require decisions. Should they use one of the various string-around-the-tooth methods or just reach up and yank that baby outta there? Regardless of the method decided upon for the extraction, the result is almost always the same. Fear and trepidation distort the child’s face, usually accompanied by a few tears. Pulling a tooth, especially the first few, isn’t easy. The child wants to do it, but doubts that they can until ultimately they do. Triumph! With the tooth out, the facial expression changes immediately into one of amazement and delight. The bloody tooth held tightly in tiny fingers is presented with more pride, satisfaction, and euphoria than a World Series trophy, a Super Bowl ring, or the Masters green jacket. It is pure, unadulterated joy.

Unadulterated JOY
Image: Pixabay AI

Joy may change its form, but it will return. Two days ago, I noticed a very tiny shoot with three infant leaves coming from what remained of the original plant. With determination and tenacity, it was holding on to life and sending out tiny, delicate green leaves. Joy! Joy! Joy! My heart with joy was ringing! Elation!

Death and New Growth Together in One Plant
Montpelier, April 2025

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”
— Henri J.M. Nouwen


I often ruminate on the idea of Joy. I know that it’s often unexpected and fragile, and I know that if I wait patiently I will find it again. I need to recognize it, nurture it, and appreciate it for what it is. Joy, like love, demands that we be open, vulnerable, and brave. Just like pulling that tooth…there may be moments of fear, apprehension, and unease before reaching the ultimate joy.

Even on the darkest days somewhere a candle flickers. Its dancing flame courageously fighting to hold on to the mystery of its burning. Recognizing joy and wonder, nurturing it in our memories, and holding it tightly in our hearts becomes the light we bring to the darkness giving us the courage to carry on.

Finding Joy on Holy Ground

Evergreen trees are strapped to car roofs, colored lights are twinkling everywhere, Amy Grant has been singing carols since the week before Halloween, and the latest mood-making dusting of snow has my thoughts returning to the Christmas story again.


Bethlehem was crowded with people returning to their hometown to complete the paperwork demanded by the occupying Romans. The inns were overbooked; relatives had long ago filled guest rooms and even the couch in the den was taken. With limited options, Mary and Joseph were lucky to find shelter in a space usually reserved for livestock, and so it was there that Jesus was born among the cattle and placed in a manger bed.

The Holy Family I Made in High School
Used in the Christmas Morning Worship Service 2022

Most of the Nativity scenes I’ve seen over the years have been limited to Mary, Joseph, the Baby Jesus, and perhaps some shepherds, sheep, and the magi thrown in. On the other hand, the Nativity scene I saw at the Cathedral in Sorrento, Italy, this Spring is more like the vision playing in my head.

Nativity Scene in the Duomo di Sorrento Taken Through the Glass
April 2024
A Detail Provides a Closer Look
April 2024

This version presents a busy community, with life happening all around. Families and friends talking, laughing, eating, and working together, and right in the midst of it all was the Holy Family. In this portrayal, the shepherds and magi have arrived. Angels are still lingering overhead, but certainly not a multitude of the heavenly hosts. Most of the choir had already returned to heaven, but what a joyous, loving, and life-affirming portrait of people going about their daily lives together surrounded by the sacred. Perhaps that’s what it means to be standing on holy ground…ordinary people living their lives in friendship, love, cooperation, and peace.


Angels sang, shepherds marveled, and after their long journey, foreign visitors rejoiced. However, wise men from the East had an inkling that trouble was brewing in the seat of government. Herod was distressed…and all of Jerusalem with him…’King of the Jews’? Indeed! He began plotting and planning, but before taking action, he awaited a report from these wise seekers. Warned in a dream…not the most efficient form of communication in my estimation, but seemingly popular in this story nonetheless…not to go back to Herod, they returned to their own country via an alternate route.

Life Size Nativity in the Town Square
Mainz, Germany 2017`

I have heard this story countless times, yet I continue to find new messages in the relatively brief reports. This year, I am especially moved by the concept of finding joy despite adversity, oppression, and foreboding. Giving birth in a stable might create a lovely pastoral picture, but laboring on a bed of straw, with the stench of manure in the air and the lack of clean running water, is not that appealing. Mary and Joseph were in Bethlehem in the first place to facilitate the collection of taxes…not taxes that would build better roads, improve schools, or make life better for everyone; it was simply to line the pockets of the Romans. And then, of course, Herod lurked in the background…whether the main characters knew it or not…the danger was real. And yet, despite all this, the overarching theme of the Christmas story is joy…exceeding great joy!

Light In the Darkness
Kaiserburg, France 2017

For many of us, especially during holidays, grief and loss test our ability to feel joy. Ongoing wars, homelessness, hunger, climate change, and the apprehension of what may lie ahead in the coming year leave many of us with sadness and despair. It almost seems wrong to feel joy, happiness, or pleasure. How can we think of celebrating? On the other hand, how can we not?

A Small Section of the Nativity in the Cathedral
Strasbourg, France 2022

After relating a litany of simple pleasures in his poem, Sometimes, David Budbill continues,

“I am so happy I am afraid I might explode or disappear or somehow be taken away from all this, at those times when I feel so happy, so good, so alive, so in love with the world, with my own sensuous, beautiful life, suddenly I think about all the suffering and pain in the world, the agony and dying. I think about all those people being tortured, right now,
in my name.  But I still feel happy and good, alive and in love with the world and with my lucky, guilty, sensuous, beautiful life because, I know in the next minute or tomorrow all this may be taken from me, and therefore I’ve got to say, right now, what I feel and know and see, I’ve got to say, right now, how beautiful and sweet this world can be.”


None of us is promised a tomorrow. This is the day, the moment, that we have been given. It is up to us to appreciate our blessings, savor the richness of life, not give in prematurely to despair, and live it well.

Ancient Fragment in The Cathedral
Amalfi, Italy 2024

Seeking beauty and joy doesn’t mean surrendering to the world’s evils. We are still called to work for justice, live with kindness and generosity, and march, stand up, and speak out when necessary. The words of the poet Lynn Ungar give me comfort, courage, and, most significantly, direction.

“I hope that you remember that joy is an act of resistance. Pleasure and laughter and imagination are acts of resistance. Telling the truth, even in a whisper, is an act of resistance. We didn’t want to be the resistance…But here we are…There is not always a way forward that looks like what we want—justice and fairness and creation of the common good—and that’s a painful thing to wrap your mind around. But there is always a way forward that includes love.”

A Sunday School Project Still Hangs on My Tree
Made with love by daughter Jennifer in the 1970s

And so, in this season of peace, hope, and love, I will acknowledge the darkness as I seek the light and continue to quest for joy, beauty, and laughter. I will look with amazement, love, and tenderness at the faces of my children and grandchildren, just like the young mother who gave birth in a stable two thousand years ago. Like the shepherds, I will be open to mystery, surprise, and discovery if I’m brave enough to grasp them. I will be challenged by the example of the wise ones to move forward with determination and purpose toward justice and fairness, not allowing worry and dread for tomorrow to rob me of my delight in the pleasures of today.

Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” Henri Nouwen

Finding joy in dark times isn’t easy, but let’s pledge to make it our goal and defiant means of resistance. We can face an unknowable future if we lock arms and step onto the holy ground of our lives together in a spirit of love and compassion.

Stay Where Your Feet Are

“Wherever your feet are let your head and heart be also.”

S D Armstrong
Covid Caution Comfort

Living alone and in covid caution, I find that I am spending an inordinate amount of time conversing with that tiny little voice in my head. We’re like best buddies spending hours together in front of the fire, sipping mango-ginger tea discussing the profound and the mundane. Sometimes we agree on a conclusion, but we often talk in circles. Lately, we’ve been discussing being present, what exactly that means, and perhaps more importantly…how to achieve it. One of us will stress the importance of living in the moment while the other blethers on about making plans and considering options. We wonder… if we only have the present moment…what happens to memories of the past or desires for the future? It’s confusing.

I know I don’t want to live my life constantly looking backward at the past or the way things used to be. But, conversely, I don’t want to live my life in a future of…someday I’m gonna… or… it’ll be better when. Wouldn’t it be a pity if I fail to recognize each unique, unrepeatable moment by remaining stuck in a past that has already taught all its lessons or in anticipation of a future full of what-ifs? Perhaps living in the present means existing in the space between.

“Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”

Thich nhat hanh

Since I prefer discussions to nearly any form of physical activity, I find it rather remarkable that I…a rather slug-like person…have more than one friend who has ridden a bicycle from one shore of the United States to the other. Years ago, my friend, Linda, was the first to take up the challenge. Her route was mapped, and her stops were planned. She was trained, fit, and ready to go. She dipped her bike tires in the Pacific Ocean near Portland, Oregon, then set off to meet three young men who were going to make the trip with her. Together they began the adventure.

At some point early on, Linda became separated from her companions. In those pre-cellphone pre-internet days, with no hope of reconnecting with the guys, she wandered into a cafe to grab a cup of coffee and ponder her next move. Before long, she was relating her tale of woe to four of the coffee shop regulars who were seated at a nearby table. She was disheartened and discouraged. Could she go on alone, should she go on alone, or did it make more sense to pack up her bike and take the next flight home? The old men listened carefully, and then the one with the salt and pepper whiskers and a Johnny Cash t-shirt put down his cup and looked at her earnestly. Then, slowly and deliberately, he asked, “Can you do today?”

“Sure, I can do today,” she replied.

“Then do today. You can always quit tomorrow.”

And so it went all across the United States. Each day she would rise and ask herself. “Can you do today? Then she’d add,” You can always quit tomorrow.”

Knowing that she only had to do today and could always quit tomorrow gave Linda permission to cast worries aside and be fully awake and aware during this never to be repeated adventure. Together with the preparations and conditioning she had done, this simple idea allowed her to move forward one day at a time while staying right where her feet were… in the toe clips of her bike…alive, joyful, and open. She lived each day enjoying the wind in her hair, feeling the aching muscles of the climb, marveling at the beauty of the earth that surrounded her, grateful for the blessings of people she met along the way, and truly living in the present moment.


You Can Always Quit Tomorrow
Photo credit: Pexels-Pixabay

“Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.”

George Harrison”

It’s probably true that if I want to hear God laugh, I just have to tell Her my plans. On the other hand, having a plan…preparing for what might lie ahead…takes much of the worry out of an uncertain future and allows us to live with confidence that all will be well. Using lessons from the past, we can see the path forward and can relax, be present, and delight in the ride.

It’s not necessary to forget or ignore the past to live in the moment. Just don’t stay there. Check the weather report, study for the test, make sure there’s gas in the tank, and then let it be what it will. We’ve done what we can. Pay attention, savor, and enjoy. Then even if things don’t work out the way we want or expect we’ll know that everything will be all right.

All of life is lived in short, bite-sized pieces…days, hours, minutes. Ordinary moments. None of us can do more than live the best now we can. We don’t have to do life all at once. We just have to do it one day at a time. And…there are times when we need to remind ourselves…that each day is lived one hour…one minute… at a time. Sometimes it’s enough just to do that one hour…that single minute, knowing that even in moments of pain, despair, fear, and grief, living in the moment can help us find peace, hope, and grace. 

“Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.”

Oprah Winfrey
The Chapel at Sunrise
Star Island 2021

One summer, as the week was winding down at the Arts Retreat on Star Island, the minister for the week, Rev Bill Clark, gave us this instruction “Don’t leave the island,” he said, “until you leave the island.”

All of our off-island problems would be waiting for us onshore when The Thomas Layton docked in Portsmouth. So why pick up that luggage before it’s absolutely necessary? With seven miles separating us from the mainland, why squander our remaining time concerning ourselves with that we couldn’t control anyway. Instead, drink in the startling beauty of the star-studded sky, the comforting warmth of friendships, the peace of a chapel full of candlelight, and the orchestral sound of sea birds and waves…remembering to stay where our feet are, living in the glory of now.

The White Island Lighthouse
September 2021

We build our future upon bricks we laid in the past and let go of what we can’t control, realizing the only time we really have is the moment we are living. Sometimes that includes creating the grocery list, putting gas in the car, and making the bed. Mountaintop experiences are rare, so we must find joy in the ordinary, the mundane, and the common. Let the chocolate melt on our tongue. Feel the crunch of snow beneath our feet. Watch the birds at the feeder. Smile at strangers and hold our loved ones close. After all, I ask that wee voice…isn’t that living in the moment and being present for life?

“THIS is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Psalm 118:24

Epilogue….Two months later, Linda dipped her tires in the Atlantic Ocean in Portland, Maine

Laughing Death in the Face

“Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I will remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don’t remember me at all.”

Michael Landon, Little House on the Prairie

I am becoming quite the movie buff. My new condo is literally only five minutes from the local multiplex and I’ve discovered that going to the movies is a rather enjoyable solo activity. In fact, I’m pleasantly surprised to learn that I almost prefer going by myself. I can decide to go at the last minute, I can sit wherever I choose, no one talks to me during the feature, and if I decide to leave early, there’s no one to disappoint.

Over Thanksgiving weekend, however, I went to the movies with my sister’s family which was great fun. After purchasing our tickets, drinks, and popcorn we moved to the butter and salt station where my nephew showed me a trick he uses for making sure the butter is on all the kernels not just those on the top of the bag. He took an extra straw, put it into the bag, pushed it down near the bottom and then deftly placed it under the spout for the melted butter. As he released the warm liquid into the straw he carefully pulled the straw up through the popcorn and voilà the butter was distributed evenly throughout. Great idea!

Movie Popcorn is the Best!

The next time I ventured off to the movies I thought I’d try the new butter technique. I place the bag of popcorn under the dispenser and then positioned my straw into the bag and aligned it with the spout. It was a tight fit getting my straw in the proper position. It looked easy when my nephew did it, but eventually, I had everything in position and pulled the handle forward and began to fill the bag with rich, creamy butter. It was then I noticed the butter dispenser to my right. I wasn’t aligned with the butter. I was filling my bag of fluffy white popcorn with Vitamin B & C-Pomegranate-SoBe-Water! Yes, the entire bottom of my paper sack was filled with vitamin water!

Not to worry, I put some butter on the still fresh kernels at the top of the bag and headed into the theatre. It’s true, most of the bag was really wet and soggy, almost to the point of saturation, but hey, the top third was delicious!

“If you can laugh at yourself, you are going to be fine. If you allow others to laugh with you, you will be great.”

Martin Niemoller

One day, not long after the popcorn incident, I was baking brownies to take to my brother-in-law. The scent of chocolate filled my small kitchen with the promise of deliciousness. Near the end of the baking time, I took a peek into the oven to see how they were doing. Something was very wrong. There was a pool of oil floating on the top of the semi-solid brown batter. What had I done? I reviewed the directions. I hadn’t added too much oil as I first suspected. I had omitted the egg! Quickly, I retrieved the brownies from the oven and stirred the half-baked mixture with a fork. They were still wet enough that I could easily add the eggs and then return the pan to the oven. Without hesitation, I cracked first one egg and then the other into the warm chocolatey concoction. Do you know what happens when you add eggs to something hot? They begin to cook! OMG! I began to stir frantically in an effort to combine the eggs with the brownie glob before they turned to scrambled eggs. I’ve come to terms with chocolate wine, but huevos con chocolate…I don’t think so. Never fear; I beat those eggs hard, fast, and with great determination. In the end, the only evidence of my culinary blunder was a few very small white flecks of egg marbled throughout an otherwise perfect pan of brownies.

He ate them with delight.

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.”

Barry Humphries
Remember the Eggs

My late husband, Dave, would have loved those stories. Humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves and each other sustained our marriage for forty-three years. In many ways, the two of us led parallel lives. We had very different interests, attitudes, and styles, but we both loved to laugh, and we considered it quite an accomplishment when we were clever enough to get the other to “fall for” one of our many jokes. Not to brag, but I “got” him most often. Laughter was a very important part of who we were as a couple and who we were…are…as individuals. For many people, the trauma of loss has them questioning whether they will ever laugh again. Many people wonder if, in their grief, it is inappropriate or unseemly to smile or laugh. Thankfully, that wasn’t my experience. Telling Dave’s stories and jokes is a way to keep his memory…and him…close and alive.

As much as I wish it were otherwise, Grief has become an omnipresent fixture in my life. It hides in the shadows and rises unexpectantly with the specter of Death, his co-conspirator, to fill me again and again with unspeakable sadness. I have learned, however, that I am pretty resilient, and when I can look Death in the face and let loose with a hearty guffaw, Grief can not defeat me, and Death does not win!

Finding the ability to laugh isn’t always easy. There are days when joy can remain an out-of-reach, unattainable goal, but Happiness and Laughter also live at my house, where they constantly work to keep the sadness at bay. Often when I least expect it, I’ll find a picture, or remember a funny situation, or come across an object Dave unintentionally left behind for me to discover, causing me to smile, chuckle, or dissolve into fits of laughter.

“Ah! To be able to make someone I love laugh years after I’m gone, that is all the immortality I could ever ask for.”

Kate Braestrup, Here If You Need Me

Soon after his death, my sisters and my daughter-in-law were helping me pack Dave’s clothes for Goodwill. “What is this?” my daughter-in-law asked incredulously. The look on her face was a mixture of bewilderment, disbelief, and hilarity. Pinched between her thumb and index finger, she held a piece of navy blue knit material. Suddenly, right there, in the midst of this very sad task, the four of us began to roar with laughter. She was holding the remnants of a long-forgotten practical joke….her father-in-law’s rather ample…underpants with “Chick Magnet” emblazoned across the bottom.

Chick Magnet Undies

Thanks, Dave!

And…Take that Death and your little buddy Grief too!

Learning to Dance with a Wooden Leg

“The death of a beloved is an amputation…At present I am learning to get about on crutches. Perhaps I shall presently be given a wooden leg. But I shall never be a biped again.” 

C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

The anniversary of my first solo trip around the sun is fast approaching. Facebook reminds me of the everyday things that were happening last year as we moved, unknowingly, toward the head of the line where together our tickets would be punched, but where we’d board separate flights. How could I have known that that morning I would come home to discover that Dave had left his body…bad knees, painful legs, and bad heart…behind in his favorite chair, coffee still warm in his cup, to journey to an unknown realm without me?

I was still posting photos from our latest adventure. Dave loved life. He lived without an agenda, taking each day as it came and finding joy, wonder, and delight all around him. Traveling expanded our world, giving us even more opportunities for pleasure, adventure, and amazement. While we were able, we went as far as we could, as often as we could, for as long as we could. When his mobility declined, he could no longer join in on walks in the city or short hikes in the National Parks. Dave would happily find a bench and wait patiently for my return. Knowing he would be waiting gave me the confidence and courage to take my limited hiking skills and head out alone on unknown trails.

Suddenly, there was no one waiting for my return, no one waiting to see my photos, no one waiting to hear of my escapades, no one waiting with a warm car…no one waiting. I had to decide whether to store my trekking poles or learn to move forward on my own.

Scenes from our last trip…Colorado and Utah, September 2018

One of the greatest challenges of grief and loss is learning not only to live without the one you’ve lost but learning to live without the person you were when you were with them and learning to live as the person you have now become. I, only half-jokingly, wonder if that is why senior citizens are asked whether they’ve fallen recently. With each loss, we must regain our equilibrium without the stability of what once was. With a part of ourselves missing, we must teach ourselves a new way to find balance.

Stability often eludes me, but I am learning to live my life with that wooden leg that C.S. Lewis talks about. There are times that are really difficult, the nights are especially sucky, and tears still come unbidden, but now and then, I hear Dave’s voice encouraging me to find joy, seek adventure, and laugh as often as I can.

Bloody Marys on the Deck
Basalt, Colorado, September 2018

If I have died; and you refuse to live because I am gone, I died two times. But if you take the joy I always had in life, and live it for me in your own, and past on to others then I’ll know that the world will stay a better place for I was here awhile.

Nadine McLaughlin ‘Death Wish’
One Afternoon In Maine, October 2019

Years ago…almost two decades now, Dave, my friend Suzanne, and I went out to dinner. It was Suzanne’s suggestion to try a new Ethiopian restaurant that had just opened in her neighborhood. Dave and I agreed to give this new cuisine a shot. We all knew we were in trouble when a waitress met us at the door, asking, “Would you like a booth or a basket?” Basket? Basket? What the heck did that mean? We opted for the booth. It was pretty much downhill from there. We ordered the Ethiopian Feast for Three. When the meal was brought to our table, the chicken portion was represented by a single drumstick. The rest of the meal was also rather scant but easier to share. On the other hand, none of us liked it at all. Thus, to paraphrase Woody Allen at the beginning of Annie Hall…the food was terrible, and there wasn’t enough of it. Life, too, can be painful and hard, but most of us still want more. Even with the pain, darkness, and the aloneness of grief, life is still worth the living.

In the Beatitudes, Jesus said, “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Ecclesiastes…and of course The Byrds…remind us that there is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

About that dancing…Anne Lamott says that the loss of a loved one “is like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly…that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but,” she says,” you learn to dance with the limp.”

A few years ago, as part of our church’s Coming of Age program…think Bar Mitzvah or Confirmation…the youth and their adult guides were exploring the idea of death. One of the facilitators asked the group, “How many of you are grieving the loss of someone or something?” Nearly everyone raised a hand…adults and teens alike. I’m approaching an anniversary, a date on the calendar, but I am surrounded by people…friends, family, and strangers…who are also just putting one foot in front of the other and moving slowly down the same path. We link arms at times to steady those for whom those wooden legs are new and as yet untried, but we all move toward the time when, even momentarily, we can leave our weeping and mourning to laugh and dance.

I know this anniversary will be difficult. I’m sure there will be weeping, the ugly cry, runny nose, and the whole shebang, but I also know that I’m learning to dance. The dance may not be pretty considering the whole balance thing, the limp and wooden leg, but…there is still dancing and laughter. Dave is waiting patiently for me somewhere…but for now, I’ll journey on by myself…dancing and laughing whenever I can and recognizing there is still a time to mourn and weep when I can’t.

Following My Own Path
October 2019

Someone Move the Cookies!

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow older. You grow older because you stop laughing.”

Maurice Chevlier

Dave and I both enjoyed playing cards although he played more often than I did. Throughout our married life he played in a weekly poker group. In retirement he added weekly cribbage matches and the occasional pop-up Texas Hold ‘Em extravaganza to the list. Together, we played Spades, Hearts, Do Dirt to Your Neighbor, Ninety Nine, and lots of Euchre. Euchre is very popular in the Midwest where we grew up. If you played cards and you lived in Michigan chances are you played Euchre.

Rank of cards in a game of Euchre

When I decided it was time for me to reach out to friends and add some fun back into my life, playing cards, Euchre in particular, seemed like the perfect way to begin. We’d start a women’s card group. There are lots of expats from Michigan living in central Vermont, so it wasn’t difficult lining up friends who knew the game, were excited by the idea, and willing to play. We’d just need to find a night that worked and get started. That should be easy.

Remember when Friday and Saturday nights were reserved for nighttime fun? In retirement every night is Saturday night. One problem…there’s a twenty year age spread between the four of us so although technically, by the local senior center standards, we’re all senior citizens, half the group is still employed. We’d have to plan around their work schedules. Then of course our calendars are also filled with volunteer commitments, family obligations, and previously planned fun of various kinds, but we eventually found a date that suited us all.

As the hostess, I had certain responsibilities. I had to be sure to clear a path through my house to the kitchen table where we’d play, but these were good friends who wouldn’t mind a little dust and since I’d had workmen in my house the previous week …stripping wallpaper and painting…there was a fair amount of dust to be found. Have you ever noticed that when you dust it just all comes back? I think that’s God’s way of letting us know she wants it there. Who am I to question divine wisdom?

OK, dust or no, I’d concentrate on the snacks. The days of popcorn and soda or pizza and beer appear to be over. I’d have to put some thought into this. I settled on wine…red and white, lemon-ginger ice tea and I had the handy Keurig as backup if someone wanted coffee, but we’d need finger food too. Something easy to hold along with a handful of cards. Between us we had…vegetarian, no dairy, no gluten, no eggs, no soy, and one who was game for anything. Bless her heart. The spread was an interesting combination to be sure including olives, peanuts, carrots, cookies, chocolate of course, hummus, and corn chips. Seemed about right…and besides there was wine.

Finally, we were ready to bring on the cards and get the game underway. Euchre has many variations, so our first order of business was clarifying which rules we would follow and how we’d keep score. The game is played using only the cards from nine and above. That leaves the fives as the perfect counters for scorekeeping…a talent in itself. The bottom five pips…suit symbols…would count for the first five points. Then, the top card would be turned over, exposing the final five. We’d just need to remember to actually take our points.

“We use the twos to keep track of trump.” I’d never heard of that, but it sounded like a good idea. When trump was called the two from that suit would be on top of a stack of four. What a clever idea.

“Do you play that the dealer can steal the deal?” Having the deal is a great advantage and you have to be sneaky, quick, and clever to be able to pull it off.

“Of course, ” we agreed. With all that decided, it was time to let the games begin.

Finding the rhythm and refreshing the rules took a bit of time but soon we were all playing like Las Vegas card sharps. As the game progressed it became evident that I was sneaky, clever, and an accomplished deal-stealer, much to the annoyance of the more trusting players. “OK. I have an idea. Let’s put the cookies on the left side of whoever is supposed to be the dealer.” Of course, that plan depends on someone actually moving the cookies.

“Wait. Who called trump? We need a little figurine to put in front of the person who made trump.”

“Nothing compares to the stomach aches you get from laughing too hard with your best friends.”

Unknown

Picture it. We now had glasses of wine, small plates for our snacks, fives for counters, twos for keeping track of trump, and a rotating bowl of cookies as well as the actual cards for each hand all vying for space at the table.

Playing Euchre as senior citizens is more complicated than those games we played in our youth. In addition to remembering whose turn it is, which card was led and how many tricks were needed we also have to flip the trump-tracking-twos, remember who called it, and of course… move the cookies. More of a challenge to be sure, but with an even greater reward…joy. Oh, we all wanted to win, but that wasn’t necessarily our final objective. Levity, laughter, and hilarity were the order of the day…not competition. We just wanted to have fun! Our laughter was unrestrained, genuine and bountiful. My tummy hurt and my cheeks ached by the end of the evening, but my spirits were lifted and I felt lighter than I had in quite awhile.

Anne Lamott says that “laughter is carbonated holiness”. That seems like the perfect definition to me. I am so blessed to walk my path in the sacred effervescence of laughter. We’re playing again next month. I have the perfect figurine to help us keep track of who called trump. Her name is Remembrance.

Her name is Remembrance
A gift from Kathy, 2019