Tag Archives: confidence

An Italian Adventure for a Woman of a Certain Age

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“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
― Mark Twain

Looking Down on the City of Sorrento
April 2024

We’ve all seen the movies. A woman, euphemistically of a certain age, decides to make a change, have an adventure, or finally check a challenge off her long-held to-do list. Although she’s no longer in full bloom, enough petals remain to make her interesting. She carefully packs her bags, gives her cat to the neighbors, and heads out the door to make it happen. She arrives at her destination full of wonder and excitement mixed with some trepidation. The camera pans out as we watch her appreciating the local sights and sounds. The sidewalks glisten from the remnants of a soft rain as she walks along the river… there’s always a river…undeterred.  With a crumpled map tucked into her purse, she ventures down curious alleys and picturesque side streets, smiling at the sheer joy of her freedom and discoveries. Inevitably, before we’ve even eaten half of our popcorn, she finds herself enjoying a cup of tea in a small sidewalk cafe, on a bench overlooking the ocean, or selecting a book from a quaint corner shop when quite unexpectantly…except to those who know the genre…she encounters a handsome gentleman. Suddenly, the plot twists, and the story continues in a new direction with an additional player. There’s modulation in the soundtrack and…ya da, ya da, ya da…the part that all romantics have been waiting for. Well…you know how it goes.

On my grand adventure last spring, I wasn’t expecting it, but just like in the movies, I met a handsome Italian man. I was checking into my hotel in Sorrento when he approached me at the counter. His face was framed by a tidy, neatly trimmed, dark brown beard, and his eyes were like deep pools inviting you to dive in and swim about. His broad smile was infectious and not easily ignored. I was immediately taken by his warmth, humor, and pleasant laugh, but it was his kindness and giving nature that really won me over. Ya da, ya da, ya da…but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Lemons of Sorrento
April 2024

My husband, Dave, and I often led parallel lives, but we both loved to travel and were great traveling companions. We did that part of our lives together very well. I’d make the plans, and he’d drive on the high, scary roads. It was a comfortable partnership, and we had many grand adventures. When he died, I wondered how I would ever be able to travel again without him. I had some glorious times with my family and friends, but I couldn’t depend on them to make things happen. They had their own lives and their own spouses; I’d have to figure out how to do it on my own. So, I began scouring travel websites and investigating solo travel via river cruises or land tours.

During the annual meeting with my financial advisor, I lamented the high cost of the single supplement, that is, the additional cost incurred by those traveling alone.”You won’t believe the amount that is added above and beyond the base price! It’s bad enough that I’m going without a partner or friend; should I have to pay more, too?” I complained.

“You have the money,” he replied. “Just pay it and go. Just go!”

Not long after that exchange, one of my friends presented a program in the women’s group at church about her recent trip to Tasmania, Australia, and New Zealand. I have never been a fan of organized trips involving travel by bus, especially those where you have to put your bags outside the door every morning by 6:00 a.m.

“Oh, if you travel with this company,” she said, “you’ll always have two or three days in one location, and we didn’t always travel by bus. We also went by train and boat, and once,” she added with a smile, “we even went by elephant.”

“Yes,” I nodded with interest, “but I hate to pay that single supplement.”

“There is no single supplement,” she declared.

With my major obstacles flung aside, the road to adventure lay directly before me. It was time to investigate with intention. Remarkably, the company my friend suggested was the same one I had used with great success for river cruises. I’d never looked at the land options, but I really liked the company…so…the search began in earnest. Before long, I had narrowed my options down to two: The Amalfi Coast & Tuscany or Romantic Villages of Alpine Europe. I’d never had a strong desire to go to Italy, but that two-week itinerary only required one move; seven days in Sorrento and seven days in Montecatini. That was really appealing, but The Alps! How could I resist Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Austria, the Mountains, and Heidi?

As I was agonizing over which to choose, I noticed a suggestion in the small print. Instead of choosing between the two, why not book both of them back-to-back? I’d save money by omitting the cost of an overseas flight, I’d save the wear and tear on my body by excluding that flight, and it would be better for the planet. Sounded like a win-win. OK. I’d do it. I plunked my money down…and then…waited several months for my departure date.

Anticipation and anxiety both filled my thoughts as I awaited my flight. Planning two consecutive trips required a connection. The idea that I’d have to make the connection on my own never even occurred to me. To say I was concerned was an understatement. I was terrified. Cars and airports I can handle with ease; train stations are another story. My tiny city has one platform and one train. The train goes south in the morning and north in the evening. Making this transition meant I was going to have to change trains while shlepping my bags in one of the largest, busiest train stations in the world. I worried about it a lot, but I would have time to figure it out…I hoped! Travel always involves challenges, adventures, risks, and, almost by definition, stepping out of your comfort zone, but that’s why we do it. Apprehensive or not, with one foot in front of the other, I wasn’t going to miss my chance…I was doing it!

At The Dartmouth Coach…Why yes! I do look just like a sophisticated World Traveler, don’t ‘cha think?
April 2024

And so, after a connection in Frankfort—the worst airport experience ever, including Moscow—a rather alarming aborted landing in Naples that took us over Mt. Vesuvius—and as the solo passenger in a car driven by a young man who spoke no English but insisted on playing Rap music the entire way—I never quite understood that—I arrived at my lodging for the next week in Sorrento and that aforementioned check-in desk.

Another key change and a slight change in tempo… ya da, ya da, ya da…the intriguing new man introduces her to all the sights of the city. Sienna, Florence, Amalfi. He suggests tucked-away restaurants where she discovers the best wine, cheese, and pasta. He shows her amazing vistas and stunning views and explains the history and significance of things she may have missed. He listens intently to her questions, stories, and concerns. In his presence, she feels at home, comfortable, and confident.

Immediately upon meeting Frankie, I was smitten, but I was not alone. All of my traveling companions… soon-to-be friends…were equally taken with him. You see, Frankie was our program director…our tour guide. The funny thing about tour guides is that they are paid to be nice, answer questions, show you the ropes, and keep things moving. Sincerity, kindness, patience, and caring, however, can’t be bought at any price. These just came naturally to Frankie. He set the tone for us and our time in Italy. Brought together by fate, we rapidly became a friendly, cohesive group. The universe conspired to create the perfect cohort, bringing together just the right people at just the right time. It was magical.

“Kindness is not what you do, but who you are.”― Cory Booker

Visiting a School Where Frankie Once Taught…You Can’t Fake Anything with Children
April 2024

If I were writing a travel blog, I’d include details of where we went and what we did, but the takeaway from this story is how I was changed by this adventure and the wonderful man who shepherded me through it. With his encouragement, I took steps with the group…and…more importantly, on my own…that were outside my comfort zone. I found kind people everywhere and learned that, at times, I was one of them, too. I became more confident with my own decisions about what I wanted to do, what I could do, and what I knew I didn’t want to do. I didn’t always do what was expected. Instead, Frankie gave me the tools and encouragement to choose to do what worked best for me. Using his cell phone, Frankie even accompanied me step-by-step as I navigated the train stations in Florence and Milan. “You can do it. Don’t worry. I’ll help.” And…indeed…I did do it.

Our entire group could not sing his praises loud enough. We all had a wonderful experience. However, I wasn’t discovering the country as much as I was discovering myself and all the possibilities that remain if I’m willing to grab them.

“Travel far enough, you meet yourself.”
― David Mitchell

With our popcorn gone, the movie reaches a bittersweet conclusion. Our heroine is grateful that their paths have crossed for this brief encounter, but she’s well aware that she must return to the life she left behind—don’t forget the cat’s still at the neighbors—and yet, a world of possibilities has been opened to her. She has been forever changed. Smiling, she turns and waves goodbye. The door closes, and he is gone.

With deep gratitude and much affection, my sweet Italian friend.

You made a difference. You are adored!

I highly recommend…Grand Circle Travel https://www.gct.com Maybe you’ll meet Frankie too.

Gotta Please Yourself

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“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I cheated on a college exam in 1971. I didn’t trust my response, and my best friend’s paper was right there. I mean, it was right there…so I took a peek.  When I saw her solution, assuming that she was more intelligent than I was and knew more than I did, I changed my answer. Consequently, we both had the wrong answer, and my original conclusion had been correct all along. I am sorry for this and all of my sins.”

“Well, replied my imaginary vicar in his most understanding and priestly voice, “If it still haunts you after all this time, I doubt you repeated the offense. Hopefully, by now you’ve learned to trust yourself and have faith in what you know.  Now, say three Hail Marys, one Our Father, and throw in a couple Glory Be’s just to be on the safe side. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.  By the way, aren’t you a Unitarian?”

“Well…Thank you for the blessing. Thanks for listening…and well…yes, I am a proud UU, but wait…what about the anonymity of the confessional? How do you know who I am?”

“Think about it, my dear, I’m your personal imaginary priest, existing only in your mind, so, of course, I know who you are.  By the way…you could have been a little more progressive and made me a woman, a UU minister, or a Lay Pastoral caregiver, or better yet…a wise grandmotherly type. You know…a sage or a crone… but then…I imagine you wanted to keep that bit about the confessional.”

“Yes…Father, even as a UU, I appreciate the comfort of the confessional. You know what they say…confession is good for the soul. But if it’s all the same to you, I’ll skip the Hail Marys and throw in a few Mary Olivers instead. I’ll see what I can do about the rest. Those Glory Be’s might be a stretch for a Unitarian.”

‘Maybe the desire to make something beautiful is the piece of God that is inside each of us.’

Mary Oliver

“Wait, before you go and send me off into the ether of your imagination, let me remind you that even if you don’t realize or recognize it, you really are a unique and wonderful being.  There’s no need to make yourself in the image of anyone else.  Learn from others, but don’t try to be them. After all, you can’t make cantaloupe taste like strawberries, and why would you want to, they’re both so great as they are.  On the other hand, you can make grapes taste like cotton candy, so maybe that’s not a great analogy.  My point is, even with all your perceived faults and failings…you are here at this time and in this space, and the world needs you to be you. 

Now, go and sin no more…but…if you must…which let’s face it is pretty inevitable…think of something more imaginative and fun than this not having faith in yourself thing. Keep life interesting. I’m sure you’ll think of something…you always do.” 

But it's all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see, you can't please everyone
So you got to please yourself

...Rick Nelson, Garden Party

My lifelong insecurity and lack of self-confidence have shaped how I live, how I think, and the choices I’ve made. Maybe now, as a senior citizen, it’s time that I reframe and change some of my thinking. The only time it’s too late to change course is when you’re going over the falls…and… then…it actually is too late.  On the other hand…aren’t there deathbed confessions and foxhole conversions? And in the movies, at least, you can pop up like a cork in the water at the bottom of the falls and journey on…wet and choking on water…but… still moving nevertheless.

In the past few months, I have joined two different groups…a writing workshop sponsored by our local Senior Center and a group of photographer friends that I know from my summers on Star Island off the coast of New Hampshire. It is my membership in these two cohorts that has prompted my recent self-reflection. Both groups deal with different but related art forms, yet our gatherings are surprisingly similar. Each group provides room for each member to share what we’ve written or what we’ve captured with our lenses since the previous meeting, then we receive gentle, supportive feedback from our peers and instructor.  It’s a process that is both terrifying and exhilarating. By sharing what we’ve created…what we’ve thought or seen… we are taking a risk.  When we pull back the curtain, we are revealing a part of ourselves…often a very personal, tender part of our deepest, truest selves, we are trusting that the gifts we offer will be received by friendly hands who will hold, protect, and cradle them…carefully, lovingly, and protectively. The kindness and support that we offer one another are at times almost palpable. We empathize with each presenter because we have stood in their shoes.

Yes, terrifying and exhilarating indeed. For me, however, that’s the easy part.

“Geesh,”…my imaginary priest, has emerged again…” If that’s the case, why do you do it?”

“Sometimes, I ask myself that very question.”

Being in the company of such talented writers and photographers helps me to grow and learn. I used to be jealous of the great shot that others captured but I missed, or a paragraph full of figurative language and evocative vocabulary that I wish I had conceived. Fortunately, I have since evolved to find joy and delight in seeing the world through other eyes. I can truly appreciate what they see or what they write without envy or covetousness.

The difficulty for me comes when I compare how I write or what I see, frame, click, and edit to what others imagine and create. In my mind, I never seem to measure up, so I often find myself emulating and experimenting with their style or process.

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

– Sylvia Plath

This morning, I reserved tickets at the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam. During his lifetime, this well-known Dutch painter completed at least 900 canvases. Someone did the math and concluded that during the time he was actively working, he would have produced a new painting every 36 hours. Yet, during his lifetime, his style of painting was not appreciated. He sold just a single painting. Today, his works range in price from millions to tens of millions to hundreds of millions of dollars. Vincent’s untimely death is still debated. Whether it was suicide or accidental remains a mystery. He undoubtedly had a troubled life…but continued to paint nevertheless…899 unsold canvases. He observed his contemporaries and experimented with their approaches and techniques, but his beautiful, unique style could not be denied. His vision remains.

Three Hundred meters west of the Van Gogh museum, the imposing Rijksmuseum is hosting the largest exhibit ever assembled of the works of another Dutch painter, Johannes Vermeer. Vermeer enjoyed modest success, primarily within the confines of the small city of Delft, while he lived in the 1600s. Although never completely forgotten, he was overshadowed by the bigger rock stars of the day. It wasn’t until the mid-1800s…centuries later… that his genius was really recognized and appreciated. Today, only thirty-six known oil paintings remain, and yet, for an opportunity to see them, tickets must be purchased months in advance and are already selling out.

Perhaps as I stand before the canvases created by these two different Dutchmen from two different times and with two very distinctive styles and visions, I’ll remember the example they provide me across the centuries. Just be who you are. Find joy in what you do and simply please yourself.

“Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.”

Mary Lou Cook

“Oh! Thank God!,” exclaims my nearly forgotten cleric. “You’re finally getting it, and I can shed this scratchy robe and ditch this incredibly small booth you imagined me into. You couldn’t have conjured a comfortably clad monk on a sunny mountaintop? Oh, right…your fear of heights. Sorry. Well…It’s going to take you a while to completely adapt to this new attitude, and you’ll need practice, but you’re on the right track. Does it really matter if people are inspired by what you write or look with awe at your images? Without a doubt, that would be nice, but…come on, just be you. That’s more than enough. Just being who you are is the only thing the universe actually demands.

“As for me,” he concludes. “I say…Amen, Blessed Be, Peace out, and Rock on!”

Steeples, Chimneys, and the State House Golden Dome
Montpelier, Vermont 2022