Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? —Mary Oliver
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”
Flavia Weedn
From the Back Deck Montpelier, VT October 2022
I recently came across an old DVD…Mom and Dad’s 50th Wedding Anniversary, 1996. Later, watching it alone in my room, I found myself on the rollercoaster between laughter and tears. The video was funny, heartbreaking, silly, uplifting, loud, poignant, and full of love. The longer I watched, the more I became aware of how many of the main characters had left the stage. Eight people died, two left via divorce, and five little children grew up! Not many of the original cast members remain.
I have reached the phase of life where more and more people leave every year…family, friends, and people I used to see in the neighborhood, at church, or in the movies. This time of losing eventually reaches everyone and is on the invoice for a long life. However, if we’re lucky and willing to take a chance, we can continue to add new players to the cast and create space for unexpected plot twists and extraordinary storylines that will surprise, delight, and inspire us.
Embarking on unexplored paths with new companions requires us to be vulnerable, trusting, and open to the mystery of unfolding adventures. Oh, sure, on our journey, we could find ourselves stuck axle-deep in mud with three flat tires and a GPS that says we’ve reached our destination, but we could also find ourselves on a mountaintop of amazement. You never know what lies around the bend. And so, what the heck…there’s not that much on TV anyway…might as well take the leap!
Autumn Leaves on the Forest Floor October 2020
I've heard it said That people come into our lives For a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led to those Who help us most to grow if we let them And we help them in return.
"For Good" from Wicked
I didn’t hear his car drive up, but I watched from my kitchen window as he walked across the driveway toward my tiny condo, with an air of casual confidence.
He was of medium build, clad in blue jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was pulled back neatly and secured at the nape of his neck in a short ponytail, accentuating his beautifully lush, carefully trimmed, salt and pepper beard. As I opened the door, he greeted me with sparkling eyes, a warm, pleasant smile, and a confident, friendly manner that instantly put me at ease.
He was a good-looking man…charming, funny, and interesting. It was easy to be attracted to him, but…for God’s sake, he was my electrician and I was his client. At the recommendation of our local electrical supply store, “Call him first. He’s a really nice guy,” he had literally come to light up my life by adding two new overhead lights. At the time, I had no idea that he would bring more light than just that in the ceiling.
Fallen Leaves in the Sunshine AI Generated
Over the next year, there were several infrequent text exchanges. He’d invite me for coffee or lunch, and I’d find an excuse to decline or postpone. I had been a widow for six years and was finally discovering how to make a life without a partner. Learning to dance with a wooden leg. I was not excited about the lines and wrinkles that were spiderwebbing across my face or the fact that my breasts had been losing territory in the constant battle with gravity. In fifty years, I had only been kissed romantically by two men…my husband and my high school crush at our tenth class reunion. I have never felt completely comfortable around men, especially attractive men,and the last men I was with…other than my husband, with whom I had grown old…were just babies in their twenties. No, I definitely wasn’t looking…as Carly Simon sings…but…somehow he found me.
Yellow Leaves on the Path Sylvan Solace 2020
After a long drought of messages, he reached out once again. “Would you like to go for coffee? We could talk about Scotland.” It was scary to say yes, but this time, I was ready for the adventure of meeting a man for something other than going over my taxes or my investments. I’d just go for coffee…chai latte, actually. It would be just a practice date, so that in the unlikely event another man asked me to go for coffee, I’d know what to do. Well…it didn’t turn out exactly as I planned. “Oh, I’m in trouble,” I told my sister, later that day. “I really like this guy.”
Our rather unconventional friendship has been such a gift. He has reminded me of things I’d forgotten and inspired me to make changes and discoveries on my own. He is funny, kind, and genuine. He opened doors that I thought had been nailed shut or were so hidden by vines and brush that I didn’t know they still existed. Who knew I’d enjoy the most passionate kisses of my life when I was a senior citizen! My world is larger, brighter, less scary, and more inviting because we traveled the same path together for a while.
None of us knows when or how our stories will end, nor do we know which characters will be with us on the final pages, but I’m enjoying writing this chapter, and I’m looking forward to seeing what’s on the next page. I smile at strangers and speak to people I don’t know, recognizing that just as in an English murder mystery, it quite possibly could be the least likely person who holds the keys to the next grand adventure.
And now, whatever way our stories end I know you have rewritten mine By being my friend Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird In a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But Because I knew you Because I knew you I have been changed for good.
"For Good," from Wicked
Maple Leaves Sylvan Solace 2020
I have been changed by each of the people who have come and gone in my life. I’ve known people who made my life miserable, whose main purpose in life seemed to be that of a bad example. Then, too, I have long-time friends I don’t deserve, and young friends who bring excitement, joy, and new perspectives. Our human interactions aren’t always easy or straightforward, but they are completely worth the challenge. Old friends are stability and comfort, just as new friends personify potentiality and possibility. Embrace them both…the new and the old. Welcome the footprints on your heart and be sure to leave a few of your own.
Reminder: You're not done meeting everyone who's going to matter to you. Some of the best moments of your life haven't happened yet.
Sara Kuburic
Isn’t that just the best thing you’ve heard all day?!
“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ― Mark Twain
Looking Down on the City of Sorrento April 2024
We’ve all seen the movies. A woman, euphemistically of a certain age, decides to make a change, have an adventure, or finally check a challenge off her long-held to-do list. Although she’s no longer in full bloom, enough petals remain to make her interesting. She carefully packs her bags, gives her cat to the neighbors, and heads out the door to make it happen. She arrives at her destination full of wonder and excitement mixed with some trepidation. The camera pans out as we watch her appreciating the local sights and sounds. The sidewalks glisten from the remnants of a soft rain as she walks along the river… there’s always a river…undeterred. With a crumpled map tucked into her purse, she ventures down curious alleys and picturesque side streets, smiling at the sheer joy of her freedom and discoveries. Inevitably, before we’ve even eaten half of our popcorn, she finds herself enjoying a cup of tea in a small sidewalk cafe, on a bench overlooking the ocean, or selecting a book from a quaint corner shop when quite unexpectantly…except to those who know the genre…she encounters a handsome gentleman. Suddenly, the plot twists, and the story continues in a new direction with an additional player. There’s modulation in the soundtrack and…ya da, ya da, ya da…the part that all romantics have been waiting for. Well…you know how it goes.
On my grand adventure last spring, I wasn’t expecting it, but just like in the movies, I met a handsome Italian man. I was checking into my hotel in Sorrento when he approached me at the counter. His face was framed by a tidy, neatly trimmed, dark brown beard, and his eyes were like deep pools inviting you to dive in and swim about. His broad smile was infectious and not easily ignored. I was immediately taken by his warmth, humor, and pleasant laugh, but it was his kindness and giving nature that really won me over. Ya da, ya da, ya da…but I’m getting ahead of myself.
The Lemons of Sorrento April 2024
My husband, Dave, and I often led parallel lives, but we both loved to travel and were great traveling companions. We did that part of our lives together very well. I’d make the plans, and he’d drive on the high, scary roads. It was a comfortable partnership, and we had many grand adventures. When he died, I wondered how I would ever be able to travel again without him. I had some glorious times with my family and friends, but I couldn’t depend on them to make things happen. They had their own lives and their own spouses; I’d have to figure out how to do it on my own. So, I began scouring travel websites and investigating solo travel via river cruises or land tours.
During the annual meeting with my financial advisor, I lamented the high cost of the single supplement, that is, the additional cost incurred by those traveling alone.”You won’t believe the amount that is added above and beyond the base price! It’s bad enough that I’m going without a partner or friend; should I have to pay more, too?” I complained.
“You have the money,” he replied. “Just pay it and go. Just go!”
Not long after that exchange, one of my friends presented a program in the women’s group at church about her recent trip to Tasmania, Australia, and New Zealand. I have never been a fan of organized trips involving travel by bus, especially those where you have to put your bags outside the door every morning by 6:00 a.m.
“Oh, if you travel with this company,” she said, “you’ll always have two or three days in one location, and we didn’t always travel by bus. We also went by train and boat, and once,” she added with a smile, “we even went by elephant.”
“Yes,” I nodded with interest, “but I hate to pay that single supplement.”
“There is no single supplement,” she declared.
With my major obstacles flung aside, the road to adventure lay directly before me. It was time to investigate with intention. Remarkably, the company my friend suggested was the same one I had used with great success for river cruises. I’d never looked at the land options, but I really liked the company…so…the search began in earnest. Before long, I had narrowed my options down to two: The Amalfi Coast & Tuscany or Romantic Villages of Alpine Europe. I’d never had a strong desire to go to Italy, but that two-week itinerary only required one move; seven days in Sorrento and seven days in Montecatini. That was really appealing, but The Alps! How could I resist Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Austria, the Mountains, and Heidi?
As I was agonizing over which to choose, I noticed a suggestion in the small print. Instead of choosing between the two, why not book both of them back-to-back? I’d save money by omitting the cost of an overseas flight, I’d save the wear and tear on my body by excluding that flight, and it would be better for the planet. Sounded like a win-win. OK. I’d do it. I plunked my money down…and then…waited several months for my departure date.
Anticipation and anxiety both filled my thoughts as I awaited my flight. Planning two consecutive trips required a connection. The idea that I’d have to make the connection on my own never even occurred to me. To say I was concerned was an understatement. I was terrified. Cars and airports I can handle with ease; train stations are another story. My tiny city has one platform and one train. The train goes south in the morning and north in the evening. Making this transition meant I was going to have to change trains while shlepping my bags in one of the largest, busiest train stations in the world. I worried about it a lot, but I would have time to figure it out…I hoped! Travel always involves challenges, adventures, risks, and, almost by definition, stepping out of your comfort zone, but that’s why we do it. Apprehensive or not, with one foot in front of the other, I wasn’t going to miss my chance…I was doing it!
At The Dartmouth Coach…Why yes! I do look just like a sophisticated World Traveler, don’t ‘cha think? April 2024
And so, after a connection in Frankfort—the worst airport experience ever, including Moscow—a rather alarming aborted landing in Naples that took us over Mt. Vesuvius—and as the solo passenger in a car driven by a young man who spoke no English but insisted on playing Rap music the entire way—I never quite understood that—I arrived at my lodging for the next week in Sorrento and that aforementioned check-in desk.
Another key change and a slight change in tempo… ya da, ya da, ya da…the intriguing new man introduces her to all the sights of the city. Sienna, Florence, Amalfi. He suggests tucked-away restaurants where she discovers the best wine, cheese, and pasta. He shows her amazing vistas and stunning views and explains the history and significance of things she may have missed. He listens intently to her questions, stories, and concerns. In his presence, she feels at home, comfortable, and confident.
Immediately upon meeting Frankie, I was smitten, but I was not alone. All of my traveling companions… soon-to-be friends…were equally taken with him. You see, Frankie was our program director…our tour guide. The funny thing about tour guides is that they are paid to be nice, answer questions, show you the ropes, and keep things moving. Sincerity, kindness, patience, and caring, however, can’t be bought at any price. These just came naturally to Frankie. He set the tone for us and our time in Italy. Brought together by fate, we rapidly became a friendly, cohesive group. The universe conspired to create the perfect cohort, bringing together just the right people at just the right time. It was magical.
“Kindness is not what you do, but who you are.”― Cory Booker
Visiting a School Where Frankie Once Taught…You Can’t Fake Anything with Children April 2024
If I were writing a travel blog, I’d include details of where we went and what we did, but the takeaway from this story is how I was changed by this adventure and the wonderful man who shepherded me through it. With his encouragement, I took steps with the group…and…more importantly, on my own…that were outside my comfort zone. I found kind people everywhere and learned that, at times, I was one of them, too. I became more confident with my own decisions about what I wanted to do, what I could do, and what I knew I didn’t want to do. I didn’t always do what was expected. Instead, Frankie gave me the tools and encouragement to choose to do what worked best for me. Using his cell phone, Frankie even accompanied me step-by-step as I navigated the train stations in Florence and Milan. “You can do it. Don’t worry. I’ll help.” And…indeed…I did do it.
Our entire group could not sing his praises loud enough. We all had a wonderful experience. However, I wasn’t discovering the country as much as I was discovering myself and all the possibilities that remain if I’m willing to grab them.
“Travel far enough, you meet yourself.” ― David Mitchell
With our popcorn gone, the movie reaches a bittersweet conclusion. Our heroine is grateful that their paths have crossed for this brief encounter, but she’s well aware that she must return to the life she left behind—don’t forget the cat’s still at the neighbors—and yet, a world of possibilities has been opened to her. She has been forever changed. Smiling, she turns and waves goodbye. The door closes, and he is gone.
With deep gratitude and much affection, my sweet Italian friend.
You made a difference. You are adored!
I highly recommend…Grand Circle Travel https://www.gct.com Maybe you’ll meet Frankie too.
“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” ― C. JoyBell C.
In the months before the vaccine, I spent many solitary days in my cozy little condo. I was isolated, but I wasn’t really ‘hermit-like’ alone. Other humans helped me stay safe and sane. Strangers filled my orders and delivered groceries at my door; a small group led by my minister became weekly support and connection with other women who were isolating singularly; endless Zoom meetings…Zoom Church, committee meetings, and family gatherings, and the daily Minister’s Minute provided by Rev Kate of the UU Meeting House of Provincetown on Cape Cod all sustained me through those often dark days.
Although I am still wearing a mask and being careful to sanitize, I am no longer avoiding the grocery store. The small group dissolved in the spring when we could get outside. In-person gatherings and Zoom-exhaustion have reduced the number of virtual meetings. Rev Kate’s messages are now delivered occasionally rather than daily. Life changes and life continues.
It’s funny the way our lives evolve and transform in completely unexpected ways. Robert Frost saw two roads diverging in a yellow wood while I see a maze of highways with on-ramps, off-ramps, and roundabouts…none of which has a clear signpost. I may have an idea of where I’m headed, but the destination is never really defined, and detours, roadwork, and slow traffic are pretty much guaranteed.
The Yellow Wood Sylvan Solace
One of Rev. Kate’s minutes took me on a path I had not expected nor would have considered in other circumstances. In less than two minutes, Kate got me thinking about what I wear. Now, I’m a strictly jeans and flannel shirt kinda gal, so why was I so drawn to this particular posting…The 100 Day Dress Challenge?
In the clip, Rev. Kate models a dress that she purchased from Wool&. The company offers $100 toward a reward dress to anyone who wears the dress for 100 consecutive days…and… agrees to take a photo wearing the dress each day. The idea behind it…in addition to being a great marketing strategy…was to encourage limited consumption. Buying one thing that is well made using sustainable fabrics rather than throwaway garments of fast fashion that many of us take for granted would be better for the planet. Rev Kate modeled the versatility of the dress she chose, dressing it up and down with items from her closet. She decided not to do the challenge, but she had gotten me thinking about it.
The first step was joining a Facebook group…touted as the friendliest corner of Facebook…to see how other women were implementing this idea in their own lives, how they wore the dresses, and the lessons they were learning about fashion, sustainability, and themselves. Don’t forget there was the daily photo requirement to be considered as well. I was a lurker in the group for some time. Finally, I decided, what the heck. Why not give it a go? It was something new, and I didn’t have anything else looming on the horizon.
Of course, nothing is quite that easy. First, I had to decide which style would be right for me and which color could I imagine myself in every day for three months. I decided on a sleeveless, black Sierra…with pockets! I ordered the dress in June. It was on backorder…as most of the dresses were…and would arrive at the end of August!
Crossing Off the Days Image Credit: Pixabay
While I waited for the dress to arrive I made a few purchases in preparation. I bought a new deodorant that is safer for humans and wool dresses. I ordered a washing liquid that was specially made for wool. I also bought several pairs of wool tights from a socially responsible company in Scotland. Buying those things at first seemed a little counterintuitive to the idea of limiting consumption, but then I began to think of it as priming the pump. If I added a little at the beginning, I’d make the 100 days easier and the possibility of success all the more probable.
I will admit, that I went into the entire adventure as a bit of a lark. If I didn’t enjoy the experience, I could always quit. It was a personal challenge, after all. I’d read stories in the Facebook group of women who had thrown in the towel. It wasn’t for everyone, and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t follow through…but…maybe I’d learn something, and perhaps it would even be fun.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” )― Lao Tzu
While I waited for my dress, I began to educate myself about the benefits of wearing a merino wool dress. Not only would I not be investing in new clothes, but I’d also be saving the planet by lessening my laundry. The dress would not need to be washed often. It could be spot cleaned and would naturally repel body odor. Additionally, I learned another trick. Each night I’d spray the pits with straight vodka. Yep, vodka…an old theatre trick. Coming home with my first bottle, I thought about Eleanor Oliphant’s weekend pizza and a bottle of vodka. This could be a slippery slope.
Vodka Image credit: Pixabay
The wearing of this dress has been similar to my becoming a vegetarian. At the time I wasn’t sure if I could do it forever, but I knew I could do it for that day. As the days became months and months became years, I discovered that although I really missed seafood…especially salmon…I was doing something greater than myself. While observing the practices of ethical eating, I was learning how my daily choices affect the planet. I was putting my beliefs into concrete actions. I’m not, however, suffering from sacrificial abstinence. I actually enjoy the foods I eat. Aside from that salmon, it hasn’t been difficult at all…especially when I discovered veggie bacon that isn’t half bad and Beyond Meat is pretty tasty too.
“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”
Jane Goodall
I’ve learned a lot through this experience. While haunting thrift shops for the occasional bargain cashmere or merino sweater, I have been blown away by how much of what we buy is made from petroleum-based fabrics that will remain in a landfill long after we’re gone. The amount of clothing we cast off is also staggering. It seems I’ve moved from lessons on ethical eating to ethical wearing.
By the way…vegetarianism and wearing a little black dress for 100 days are my choices. Of course, they might not work for you. But you’ll find other ways to serve and heal each other and the world. There are many roads in that yellow wood.
Ready for Church
In the Back Yard
Another Selfie
Trying for an Interesting Shot
Maybe you Recognize my Selfie Friend
All Dressed Up…Still Wearing Slippers
An Usie at Eliean Donan Castle
Best Selfie Ever
An Apron Helps a Lot
The daily photos taught me to make peace with my body. I’ve also learned that a photo taken in good lighting can really diminish wrinkles and improve my mood. I also confirmed that people don’t look at me as closely as I thought they did. After all…do you really pay attention to what others are wearing? What a freeing concept.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
― Rumi
I haven’t quite made it to the 100 days yet…but…I am confident that I will. Today is Day 75…a little more than three weeks to go. While I am refraining from sharing all the photos or giving you a play-by-play of our activities together…the dress and I…have driven from Michigan to Vermont, attended the theatre in Stratford, Ontario, hugged grandchildren, and ridden in the car with my granddaughter at the wheel. I’ve spent time on the rocks of Star Island, walked miles with my sister, Kelly, through the local parks, and marched in a protest for reproductive freedom with my sister, Penny. Next week the two of us…the dress and I…will fly to Philadelphia and then on to Vermont.
The Festival Theatre Gardens
The Capitol in Montpelier, VT
Special time with Grandchildren
My Granddaughter’s Hugs are the Best
The Drive-thru with My Granddaughter Buddy
On the Rocks at Star
Taking a Stand for Reproductive Freedom
One of MANY Walks in the Park
Another Walk with Kelly
On my recent trip to Scotland, when I was separated from my luggage for eight days in addition to an extra shirt or two, I had…the dress. The first night, when we were out for dinner, Kelly and Bill ordered beers and…much to the surprise of the young man taking the order from this old lady…I asked for a shot of vodka. When the glass arrived, I poured the contents into a small spray bottle that had once contained eyeglass cleaner. The dress and I were good to go. Of course, a shot isn’t that large, requiring the purchase of yet another bottle of vodka before I was reunited with my bag. Yikes.
The Three Amigos at Queen’s View
Luskentyre Beach on the Isle of Harris
After the Hike at Glenfinnan
One Side England…Other Side Scotland
We Three at Carrbridge
Crossing the Stile at Kilchurn Castle
Waiting for the Harry Potter Train
Standing on Hadrian’s Wall
I joined the challenge on a whim, but I’ve learned a lot more than I anticipated. I have many questions about my personal consumption, but I also have nearly 100 photos of me having fun! If this challenge had been burdensome, uncomfortable, or boring, I doubt I’d have finished. But I did have fun…and if you’ve seen me in person, virtually, or through photos since August 23rd…you’ve seen the dress. Did you notice?
I’m not sure what I’ll do on day 101, but there is another Facebook group for those who have reached that milestone. I can’t wait to see what goes on there. After that, who knows where my path will take me.
I’m considering the purchase of a tiara for the 100th photo. I’ve never had one, and this seems like as good a reason as any. Stand by.
One Wild and Precious Life 